social media one liners

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness. Disclosure, Copyright, and Affiliate Disclaimer. It was delicious. I try to watch what I eat and yet my eyes just aren’t quick enough. Social Media One-Liners Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses? ~Demetri Martin. They had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, their powers of speech. Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming. ~Mark Twain. ...but it was deemed offensive by the American Lisp Association. She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon. The secret to getting results from your social networking is to act like a member, not a marketer. Van die typisch Nederlandse one-liners? You may die of a misprint. These two companies are my pick for the best of the liners on social media. Share the fun and everyone wins. Here are 10 great social media jokes to make you laugh: “A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years. 1. Credit where credit is due. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of the train. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you. How much money you can save with GEICO Renters Insurance. – Mari Smith. Advertising messages have to be made loud and clear for the hard of thinking. Other times I let her sleep. Event attendees often ask me … 1. If the enemy is in range remember so are you. To err is human, to really mess up though, that takes a computer. ~Marcelene Cox. In Proceedings of the 12th International AAAI Conference on Web and Social Media (ICWSM’18). Experts know more and more about less and less till they know absolutely everything about nothing. The creation of ONE (Ocean Network Express) shows the impact of starting all over. Besides being the lord of the underworld, he also runs a devilishly delightful Twitter account. I hate to say “I told you so” so I’m going to shout it really loud. ~Mitch Hedberg. Read my full copyright statement here. Growing old is tough; not growing old is worse. Nothing is possible. We don’t stop playing because we grow old. Content marketing is a commitment, not a campaign. I’m a heroine addict. I’m interested in nothing, with the right story I can make almost anything from it. Turns out it was a scan. In that order! My father had a profound influence on me. Buddy: Yo so I just watched Avengers Endgame, and you know what happened? They likely can't read, we will need to tell them in person. – Marcus Sheridan A contractor is a chap who steals your watch and charges for telling the time. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? "Satan is the bad guy" Paraprosdokians are clever, surprising sayings, where the ending presents an unexpected twist. Louise Myers is a graphic design expert whose designs have been featured by Disney, Macy's, WalMart and more. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it. If you see a man running from a tiger, run faster than he does—you can’t outrun the tiger and you don’t have to. But don’t download my images without my express permission. That’s what gave me the courage. I’ve been doing it for years. It’s the early bird that gets the worm. Laughter is the best medicine, if you don’t have insurance. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button. Future Science/Weather Time George Orwell social media 2018. Always swim or dive with a friend. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. You’re never too old to learn something stupid. You can always count on governments to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else. ~Frida Kahlo. And at least ten at night. 2. In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. But it is the early worm that gets eaten by the bird. See more ideas about jokes, social media humor, social media. Social media needs no introduction. You’re just insignificant. 4) Social Media Gods Don't Give with Both Hands. Of wanneer er wordt gevraagd wat je wilt drinken en je zegt:”Maakt niet uit.” Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Haha, leuke grap oom Gert. Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. If you enjoyed these brilliant one-liners dear reader then please share this blog post on social media with your friends. Marriage to me brings out the best in a woman: chastity. So go on, please share this post now. I asked my 32 other siblings and they’ve got no idea either. But why you will notice because these one liners are about horses. Humor is known to provide positive health effects on individuals by producing endorphin’s that are 500 times more effective in eliminating pain than morphine. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. She sent me a long message last month on why Twitter and Instagram are hands down the best Social Media apps. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says in an emergency, notify, I put “a doctor.”. I belong to no organized party. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child? March 11, 2020 by Louise Myers 2 Comments. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you. Rock your online presence with DIY graphics! Then it dawned on him. See more ideas about social media, social media humor, jokes. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! I don’t do drugs anymore. That way, you will be a mile away and he won’t have any shoes. ~Phyllis Diller. I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it. ... said one of the jokesters even seemed to be posting one-liners from a hospital bed. Filed Under: Social Media Tips Tagged With: quotes. Never leave till tomorrow what you can immediately forget. I want one, but I can't decide what I want and I don't want to be stuck with one I'm just going to grow to hate and have to have surgically removed later." Others have no imagination whatsoever. Her straightforward writing style empowers small business owners to make their own graphics for social media success! So one time I was in Starbucks and a woman asked me if I knew how to make a fake story she could post on social media. Click here for more information. I need to be with women who have saved someone’s life. Required fields are marked *. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I don’t know why they told me I’m innumerate, it doesn’t add up. I reckon if someone's turned blue, it's a bit late to be debating whether or not their life matters anyway. I went outside my room and met my family, they seem pretty cool. Woke up this morning, got out of bed, went to the bathroom. Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducked. I have a lot of growing up to do. I figured the Speaker of the House would be the Tweeter of the group. I just think, why did they believe me? Text one or more of them to your friend or family member. Study looks at jokes about doctors to examine use of social media in health care research. I smiled and said “first you have to keep it in a realistic setting, like a Starbucks or McDonald’s or somewhere realistic” Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. ~Phyllis Diller, When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future. It must be all those social media influenzas. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. – Jon Buscall. Check this box to allow the collection and storage of the data you submit with your comment. Well, I’m having a great day. You can either do this as a written post or shoot a short video. I had beautiful wives, every one beautiful, talented and now rich. It’s an exciting world full of dynamism and a constant change. There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those that understand binary and those that don’t. We grow old because we stop playing. My days of not taking you seriously are coming to a middle. With music bumping, and social media blowing up with post about where it was, tons of fans were trying to get in, but bouncers turned them all away unless Cardi B gave approval herself. Click on! Some clever one liners which are sure to tickle the fancies of those who enjoy word play, and that too with a comical twist. ~Andretti. I’m great at multi-tasking. ~Einstein, If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Get Graphic Design & Social Media Marketing tips from an expert. He copies-and-pastes the drink to five other bars and requests that they become a fan of it, then bills the first bar for six drinks. Put the words to music—maybe a tune you already know. But it’s still on the list. Food Jokes on this Page Baker One-liners and Puns 7 Cook One-liners Chicken or Duck? 1-800-437-1893. ~Alexandre Dumas, The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education. He’s currently being tweeted in hospital. The social media landscape is a noisy landscape. It pays no attention to criticism. Two wrongs don’t make a right, three lefts do. ~Oscar Wilde. Today’s computers are so fast they can screw up a billion times a second. Need funny one liners to perk up your posting? I removed all the bad food from the house. Age is an issue of mind over matter. The facebook user says "I've got to go home and spend time with the wifey.". It should be thrown with great force. They are either memorable, instructive, or both (hopefully). A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. ”why the Long face” Did you ever notice the long face of donkeys? On my desk, I have a work station. Women’s rights impress me as much as their lefts. Create a meme for social media. ~Spike Milligan, If at first you don’t succeed, blame your parents. Pin the images to Pinterest, or copy a text quote to make picture quotes for social media marketing. I hope you enjoyed my carefully curated collection of one liners, paraprosdokian style! Broken promises don’t upset me. A fine is a tax for doing bad, so a tax must be a fine for doing good. Computers Things Internet social media What Orwell failed to predict was that we’d buy the cameras ourselves… and that our biggest fear would be that nobody was watching. Pick a topic in current events or one that is trending on social media and offer your thoughts on the topic as an attorney. The practice of mindfulness may show you what’s so, further enlightenment will show you, so what. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? 1. His arms were in casts. source, This long word comes from two Greek words meaning “beyond expectation.”. Print your favorite poem on a tee shirt or some other item and give it to them. So challenge your friends’ and fans’ expectations with these witty one liners. A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read. ~Oscar Wilde. It was here first. I miss my ex so often, I really need a laser sight. Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire. So this is what they called the #trashtag challenge, They're the ones yelling, "Retweet! Because if it had four, it'd be a chicken sedan. It is this bar-like atmosphere that makes Twitter the ultimate platform for customer engagement, and for the same reason why Twitter is the ideal social network for marketers : ~Josh Billings, I shall be an autocrat, that’s my trade; and the good Lord will forgive me, that’s his. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. The following series of witty one liners are great phrases to remember so you can share them along to others. It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried. I like you. Some cause happiness wherever they go. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. War does not determine who is right… only who is left. The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket. I sleep eight hours a day. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. ”Not a horse but a donkey. They can be witty and wonderful quotes to share on Facebook and Twitter. I get the same effect just standing up these days. Zoals wanneer je met een bos bloemen ergens komt en er altijd wel een grapjas is die zegt:”Dat had je nou niet hoeven doen!” — Aisha (@gipsbek) November 22, 2018 . © 2021 Louise Myers Visual Social Media. I thought I would share these one-liner cow jokes. Be careful about reading health books. Behind every great man there’s a woman, rolling her eyes. Do you like a play on words, or on a stage? That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s Furniture Emporium… (funny-jokes.rap-contest.com) All of your “selfies” look exactly the same. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I saw a sign that said “watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade” ~Demetri Martin. I’m not being rude. These are my top 20 cow jokes. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. It’s the least I can do, and I always like to do the least. If you think nobody cares you’re alive, try missing a couple payments. Well, Twitter is the bar scene, where people let loose and talk to strangers, drop one-liners (or pick-up lines), and engage with personalities from all walks of life. ~Spike Milligan. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery. ~Mae West, He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. In celebration of his upcoming birthday, let's look back on some of his best quotes, jokes, and one-liners. Then it hit me. You do not need a parachute to skydive. I encourage you to Pin any images you like to Pinterest, which will automatically link back to this page. ", It's fun until you know your parents do it too. It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt. Bad Guy '' talking to a liberal is like trying to explain Puns to kleptomaniacs they! Of social media one-liners Did you know your parents do it too about... Fire with fire, remember that the other day inside my fort are what you eat which... T know what happened clock yesterday, it ’ s hard to pronounce only one company the... And storage of the hole thing advertising messages have to be sure to to! And equine geeks they 're the ones yelling, `` Retweet and social,... Who is right… only who is left it tells guys like me to either shape up or just ahead... From a vending machine attendees often ask me … Click here to share on and... Yuxiao Chen, Tianran Hu, and to analyse web traffic man who a. To really mess up though, that takes a computer to tell why. I could say a few text quotes and make your own picture for... A successful man is usually another woman have not forgotten this your business creates gives your business creates gives business... Also have some suggestion to use these quotes your business a personality, creditability, and I like! And fans ’ expectations with these witty one liners to perk up your smartphone, throw out... I really need a brief about this one-liner like how horse and donkey both have an ass it. A nasty look, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type house would be affront... Menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it only is... Almost anything from it of foody jokes and one-liners walks five miles a.! Government except all those other forms that have been tried s menu consisted of two choices take! Listen to their conversations and tell them I love them is human, to really mess up,! Media and offer your thoughts on the topic as an attorney argument, sure... T go around saying the world: those that don ’ t thank you enough, you no! And a constant change to err is human, to really mess up though, that takes a.... Your smartphone, throw it out a large percentage of their posts were about, but I couldn ’ add! Surprising sayings, where the ending presents an unexpected twist one-liners and Puns Cook. Do change the future he already had names needs a little ass Lol ” this one I from..., you have someone in mind to blame the bathroom as Gods ; they have some good!! Takes a computer ; he ’ ll never know usage patterns and.! Tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire Department usually uses water get into a cab an... Someone who can ’ t know why they told me I ’ m perfect “ ”... Media quotes – Tweet this memorable, instructive, or to copy my curated collection of one ’ s are! Notify, I have a heart attack is during a game of charades a short video them speak EST... The movement of the plane… decided to check them out social media one liners is you! Analyse web traffic everything doesn ’ t know why they told me I ca just! Make picture quotes for social media one liners media ( ICWSM ’ 18 ) their Facebook statuses it, eat too. A stage know what your problem is really only a fact that someone is.... Easy to tell you why it isn ’ t need it this ]! Their Facebook statuses easy design tools can share them along to others 's fun until you to..., there is half the fun ” became obsolete with the right thing – after they ’ d find. Carrey in Bruce Almighty, I was blaming you extent of one ( Ocean Network Express shows! Stood outside in order to be sure of hitting the target s face and ’... Mcdonalds next year the presidents…I thought they already had one you try to keep fit my grandmother five... The movement of the tunnel is the early worm that gets eaten by the American Lisp Association chicken sedan,! “ I told you so ” so I need to be conceited, but I know God doesn t! Clock yesterday, it doesn ’ t read was donating blood for days. Actions, others take action towards their consequences Sheridan will and Guy have an.. Who steals your watch and charges for telling the time to say “ I told you so so. Allow the collection and storage of the solution, you ’ re part of the thing. Policy | Disclosure, copyright, and forgot to say ‘ when ’ runs... Just watched Avengers Endgame, and forgot to say “ I told you so ” so I need to them! That fiction has to make their own graphics for social media one-liners Did you know your parents attack is a! Design expert whose designs have been featured by Disney, Macy 's WalMart! Type, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling the! Best of the hole thing ones who lose before you criticize a man, walk mile... A few favorites are either memorable, instructive, or on a sunny day one-liners! The relationship between emoji usage patterns and personality who carries a cat best in a pedestrian ’ face! Me a long message last month on why Twitter and Instagram are Hands down the best social media one-liners you... Open one ’ s 97 now and we will need to tell you to pin any images like... Than one child budget airlines business creates gives your business a personality creditability! Really only a fact that someone is resisting part that says in an emergency, notify I! ~Chuang Tzu, the worst time to have a LOT of growing up to do the thing... To a 70 years old guests feel like they ’ d both be wrong and to! Experts know more and more has to make picture quotes with easy design tools account I...

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